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Facing denial, notably when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. An editor is turning you down, delivering a definite “Nope.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I began submitting articles 50 years back, upon completing my studies. Since then, I have had several works rejected, along with book ideas and countless essays. During the recent score of years, focusing on commentary, the refusals have only increased. On average, I get a rejection multiple times weekly—adding up to in excess of 100 each year. Cumulatively, rejections in my profession run into thousands. At this point, I could claim a advanced degree in handling no’s.

But, is this a self-pitying tirade? Not at all. Because, finally, at 73 years old, I have accepted rejection.

In What Way Have I Managed It?

For perspective: By this stage, almost everyone and their distant cousin has said no. I haven’t kept score my success rate—that would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: lately, a publication nixed 20 articles consecutively before accepting one. A few years ago, at least 50 editors vetoed my book idea before someone accepted it. Subsequently, 25 representatives passed on a book pitch. An editor requested that I submit my work less often.

My Steps of Setback

When I was younger, all rejections hurt. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my creation being rejected, but who I am.

No sooner a submission was turned down, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, shock. What went wrong? Why would editors be blind to my ability?
• Second, denial. Surely you’ve rejected the wrong person? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do any of you know? Who made you to decide on my labours? They’re foolish and the magazine is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, irritation at the rejecters, followed by anger at myself. Why do I do this to myself? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, bargaining (preferably mixed with optimism). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Then, despair. I lack skill. What’s more, I can never become any good.

I experienced this through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Excellent Company

Of course, I was in good company. Tales of writers whose work was initially declined are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was initially spurned. Because they managed to persevere, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his school team. Many US presidents over the last 60 years had been defeated in elections. The filmmaker estimates that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to appear were rejected numerous times. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to wake me up and persevere, instead of giving up,” he has said.

Acceptance

Later, as I reached my 60s and 70s, I entered the final phase of setback. Understanding. Currently, I grasp the various causes why someone says no. For starters, an reviewer may have already featured a like work, or have something in progress, or simply be considering a similar topic for a different writer.

Or, unfortunately, my pitch is uninteresting. Or maybe the reader believes I lack the credentials or standing to be suitable. Or is no longer in the market for the wares I am submitting. Or didn’t focus and scanned my work too quickly to appreciate its quality.

You can call it an awakening. Anything can be declined, and for any reason, and there is virtually nothing you can do about it. Some explanations for denial are always out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are within it. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may occasionally be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and appeal, or the point I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe a part about my writing style, especially commas, was offensive.

The point is that, despite all my long career and rejection, I have achieved recognized. I’ve published several titles—the initial one when I was 51, the next, a memoir, at retirement age—and over numerous essays. My writings have been published in magazines major and minor, in local, national and global outlets. My debut commentary appeared when I was 26—and I have now contributed to that publication for half a century.

Yet, no bestsellers, no signings publicly, no spots on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no honors, no big awards, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can more readily take rejection at this stage, because my, small successes have eased the blows of my frequent denials. I can choose to be philosophical about it all now.

Instructive Setbacks

Setback can be helpful, but when you heed what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will likely just keep seeing denial the wrong way. What insights have I learned?

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